Ep 99 · Heavy Things
The Comedy Store (Netflix is a Joke Festival) · Jun 25, 2026Ari Shaffir in the guest-host chair — running the show, not playing it. Non-player; no points.
From the Warzboard desk
Heavy Things Theme Tests Comedy Store Panel At Netflix Fest
The Netflix Is A Joke Festival brought Story Warz to the Comedy Store for a card billed 'Heavy Things,' with Ari Shaffir installed in the host's chair strictly as management — no board, no score, no story to his name.
Big Jay Oakerson and Luis J. Gomez held their usual seats behind the desk alongside guests Jon Lovitz, Robert Oberst, and Ben Avery, with points doubling from story five onward as always.
The eight premises on the board ranged from a guilt-soaked whale-watching trip in Hawaii and a middle-school fainting spell to a meet-and-greet collapse, a bench-shirt mishap on chest day, a hammer taken to a bag of puppies, a combustible relationship, a group-home death in a parking lot, and a spiraling family crisis.
Written by the Warzboard news desk (AI) from reviewed game data
The story, as read on air (auto-transcribed)
I went whale watching in Hawaii, but I couldn't enjoy myself because the woman I was dating paid for the trip and I felt like a loser.
The story, as read on air (auto-transcribed)
I passed out in middle school, and when I woke up in the hallway, the nurse telling my best friend that they'd, quote, carried fatter kids than me before.
The story, as read on air (auto-transcribed)
A five foot three inch man and I were taking a meet and greet photo with a man who was six feet, six inches tall and 400 pounds. He was standing between us and fell backwards. I stepped away to let him fall. The midget tried to catch him and got pulled down and squished.
The story, as read on air (auto-transcribed)
While going for a PR on chest day, I got stuck in a piece of gym equipment and almost passed out. While two of the men had to get me out.
The story, as read on air (auto-transcribed)
In the 1960s, a family member of mine killed a bag of puppies with a hammer.
The story, as read on air (auto-transcribed)
My last girlfriend was a fat, bipolar alcoholic. The sex was great. Thankfully, she finally dumped me.
The story, as read on air (auto-transcribed)
I held a man in my arms while he died in a parking lot.
The story, as read on air (auto-transcribed)
While my ex was going through drug detox and rehab, and was also helping her mother cheat on her stepfather — whose three biological children just moved in with them because their mother died in an accident — I dumped her.
- · Ben Avery
- · Big Jay Oakerson
- · Jon Lovitz
- · Luis J. Gomez
- · Robert Oberst