Ep 88 · Crime
New York Comedy Club (New York) · Apr 9, 2026From the Warzboard desk
Crime Night at New York Comedy Club Tests Five Alibis
Episode 88 of Story Warz convened at New York Comedy Club under the season's most familiar banner: Crime. Big Jay Oakerson and Luis J. Gomez held the desk while Ari Shaffir, Jordan Jensen, and Colum Tyrrell filled the accused's chair for nine rounds of testimony.
The docket ranged wide: a stolen digger driven into a school wall, a wrongful murder-suspect arrest, a grandmother's dog allegedly traded for crack, a middle-school pharmacy heist foiled by a sibling's timing, department-store shoplifting via a paralyzed accomplice's wheelchair, a car thief's knife-carved dashboard portrait, a charity fund gone missing, a wallet lost to politeness, and a painting lowered out a restaurant window after hours.
Written by the Warzboard news desk (AI) from reviewed game data
The story, as read on air (auto-transcribed)
I was arrested and held in jail for crashing a vehicle into my high school, a crime I did not commit.
The story, as read on air (auto-transcribed)
I got arrested because a cop thought I had killed someone because I looked like I had killed someone.
The story, as read on air (auto-transcribed)
My uncle once sold my grandma's elderly dog for drug money.
The story, as read on air (auto-transcribed)
In middle school, a pharmacy called my house about a theft I had committed. My sibling intercepted the call and pretended to call me. I pretended to be my parent, which saved me. I tried to deny it to my sibling, but they knew the exact product that I had stolen.
The story, as read on air (auto-transcribed)
I stole thousands of dollars worth of clothes by putting them under my buddy, who was paralyzed in a wheelchair.
The story, as read on air (auto-transcribed)
I had a car stolen once. When they found it, my headshot was stabbed into the dashboard with a knife.
The story, as read on air (auto-transcribed)
I raised money for a school charity event, but I decided I'd rather keep the cash, so I skipped the event and kept the money instead.
The story, as read on air (auto-transcribed)
A Black guy was sitting near my bag at the park. I didn't want to move it because he wasn't actually doing anything to it, and I didn't want to be racist. When I retrieved it, my wallet was gone, and so was a really expensive collectible. The Black guy definitely stole it.
The story, as read on air (auto-transcribed)
I went to the bathroom at a restaurant and found an upstairs area. I had sex up there and stole a massive painting by handing it down the side of the building.
- · Ari Shaffir
- · Big Jay Oakerson
- · Colum Tyrrell
- · Jordan Jensen
- · Luis J. Gomez